Character over vanity...

" “Fat” is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny?

 

I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’ ‘Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, ‘the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’ What I felt like saying was, ‘I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’

But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!

 

I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons." - J.K Rowling ♥

 

 

--Thanks to J.K. Rowling (author of Harry Potter if you don't know and live under a rock) for reaffirming and reassuring all who read this (I hope) that there really are far worse things in life than being "fat" or overweight or not the size of the average but not-so-average-American supermodel for that matter.

 

I'd rather be passionate, caring, kind, philanthropic, giving and overweight than rude, inconsiderate, negative, conniving, selfish and "skinny".

 

Priorities, y'all.

 

Healthy does NOT always mean skinny. And, besides, character over vanity.

Mindful Eating - How to & Why to...

Food. What a beautiful thing yet, it can be so full of suffering for some... 

Those of you that know me and this blog know that historically, food has been something I have used to satisfy my mind rather than my appetite. I have also used it to try to fulfill an emotional void... key word: try, because that doesn’t work, by the way.

Food is something funny in our society. It’s funny because it is everywhere and seems to have multiple purposes. Think about it. When was the last time you celebrated, mourned, watched sports, had a “girls night” or “guys night”, had a meeting, attended a seminar or training, greeted a new neighbor, lent a hand to someone who has recently experienced loss... what is a common denominator in all of these varying events and circumstances? Yep, you guessed it... food.

I think a lot of us tend to lose appreciation of the food we consume. We simply skip the appreciation part, and we move right onto consumption. For a lot of people, their food consumption is on-the-go and moves quickly. 

Question: When was the last time you sat down and slowly ate bite by bite, morsel by morsel... when was the last time you actually experienced your food consumption? Ever? Do you even know what I mean by having a “food experience”?

Well, I have a project for you. It is a project I have done several times, and something that is always good to go back to and do again.

A Mindful Eating Experience

Instructions:

Step 1: Set yourself up with a plate of food. It can look like mine above, with a variety of foods, or it can be one meal you absolutely love.

Step 2: Sit down. Get comfortable. Get quiet. You may even want to play some serene and relaxing music while you prepare to truly enjoy and actually taste your food.

Step 3a: Eat one bite, one morsel at a time and do it slowly. Take note of the texture, the smell, the taste, the intensity, the bitter, the sweet, the sour, the savory... take note of every single aspect of each and every bite. 

Step 3b: Notice how you experience the food differently this way. Notice what you notice about the food items that you might not have noticed before. Pay attention to how this experience of eating is different from most times you consume the same or similar food items. Were there food items you didn’t enjoy as much as you thought you would? Were there food items you enjoyed more than you ever have before?

Step 4: Notice how you experience satisfaction. Notice how you feel as far as becoming full or feeling as though you have had enough and feel satisfied. Did you eat more than usual? DId you eat less than usual?

Step 5: How do you feel after your mindful eating experience?

I encourage you to take notes during this time. I encourage you to do this as often as possible. And, I encourage you to remember your feelings and your experience when you are in a time where you might feel more out of control in your eating, or when you feel you might be eating to quickly or to “on-the-go”. 

I challenge you to consider how you can take this experience and use the memories and what you have learned about what being mindful can do for your overall experience and enjoyment with food.

Don’t just eat food. Enjoy food. 

Enjoying food is a whole lot more fulfilling the chewing and swallowing...

---> Stay tuned for the next blog on my own Mindful Eating Experience!

Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy - my go-to approach in treating eating disorders... this is why

This blog is a discussion post I submitted for a class in my graduate program called Counseling Theories and Practice. I thought some might find it of interest... Our professor posed a question:

-What is the main theory you would choose as a framework for practice? Why?

a) How does this theory reflect your beliefs about human nature; what makes people "tick"?

b) How does this theory reflect your personal style, qualities, strengths, and values?

This is how I answered:

    The theory I most gravitate towards when thinking of my goal as a future Eating Disorder and Body Image therapist is Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. Eating disordered thought revolve around faulty thinking, catastrophizing cycles, and self-destructive emotions. The words “should, ought, must” are staples in the vocabulary of a disordered eater. Because of their irrational beliefs and standards, they set themselves up for failure; when they do fail, it is an utter catastrophe in their eyes.

     I fully agree with the statement in the text on p.251 that "people's cognitions are the primary source of their difficulties." In order to get someone to think more rationally, distorted thoughts have to be identified, evaluated, disputed and changed in order to facilitate a switch in perspective from irrational to rational in order to improve resulting emotions and behaviors. Albert Ellis developed an easily approachable solution that a therapist would initially teach a client to use so the client can continue on to self-treat throughout their lives. This, of course, is the ABCDEF Method in which irrational belief systems are disputed and the client can recognize that they ultimately have the choice. 

     I like that REBT goes further than that though as well. REBT recognizes that frustration tolerance is key to being able to cope as it stresses that life will not always go as planned. No kidding, right? This is needed to avoid catastrophizing and becoming easily disappointed. For example, in the eating disorder world, one might attempt to restrict. This makes for high levels of anxiety in their pursuit of “being good”. Once the restrictor fails to restrict by overeating or “binging”, extreme, awfulized and catastrophic beliefs take over which cause depression, anger, disappointment, guilt, etc. I thoroughly believe that if an eating disordered individual is taken through the steps in the ABCDEF model, they can restructure by disputing their irrational and catastrophic beliefs which will allow them to recognize they have a choice in how to label their beliefs. In turn, they can build a more rational belief system and develop new feelings and behaviors which can ultimately stop their eating disordered cycle.

    One of the three levels of insight described in the text states, "The insight to see that we choose to upset ourselves" (p.255).  REBT also recognizes that we, as individuals, always have a choice. Once a client can recognize their irrationality and distorted beliefs, they can choose an alternative and rational thought. Once someone is able to process their phenomenological view and how it may involve some irrationality, they can become their own therapist and dispute faulty thinking and live a much more serene and positive life in the present and future.

    My idea regarding human nature is certainly that all people are innately good. I am a firm believer that societal standards and negative life experiences can make any person lose sight of rationality and an ability to self-control. I believe that when one sets absolutes (shoulds, oughts, musts) about themselves or their lives, they are setting themselves up for failure. Failure, irrationality and recurring awfulizing thoughts make people tick, and jerk, and spaz... Once the sight of logic is lost, so is the nondefeating, appropriate and rational mind.

    As a future eating disorder therapist, the theory of REBT reflects my values, strengths and qualities in many ways. On a personal level, I have suffered through an eating disorder and I know very well the irrationality surrounding it’s perpetual cycle. My strengths are reflected in the sense that I will have the ability to be patient with a client in this disputation process. I feel as though I am good at educating clients and pointing out self-defeating thought processes empathetically. My personal style, in fact, is based around education. I thoroughly believe that if a client has not learned something in therapy, simply talking about their problems and faulty beliefs won’t make a bit of difference. In fact, it could make them worse off. Education is needed to promote recovery or problem solving. And, education and awareness are needed to promote prevention of relapse or future problems.

    Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy; although it is similar to cognitive therapy, I prefer the structure involved in the disputation process of REBT. I will bring disordered eaters into recovery with this theory, of this I am certain.

Sorry, I am NOT sorry my legs are bigger than my arms!

Ever heard of "skinny jeans"? Sure you have...

Well, just how "skinny" do you have to be to fit into some of these "skinny jeans"? Here, I'll show you with the help of Dr. Dae Sheridan (http://www.facebook.com/DrDae)



This photo was taken at a JC Penney's department store. And these are your average "skinny jeans" displayed on your average mannequin.

HELLO!!!

Do we NOT see what media, advertisements and society is doing to our psyche?!

What might your average teenage girl think when she walks down this aisle at JC Penney's? She'll probably think - "hmmm, I think I'd like a pair of those "skinny jeans"!" So, this same average teenager will likely grab her size and try them on. What do you think happens to the average teenager who tries on these "skinny jeans"?

I will tell you from my historical point of view because, like many other teenage girls out there, I had definitely been there before!

I will likely grab what I think is my size, probably about a 6, and I will grab a room. In this room, I will be faced by a horribly large mirror with horribly bright lights. I will probably be analyzing how horrible I feel about my lower half as I undress, even before attempting to try on these "skinny jeans". I'll slip in one leg, and I won't be able to pull it over my quadricep. I probably won't even attempt to include my other leg in this "try" cause I quickly know the result. I will pull them off and think, ughhh... I am not skinny enough - why can't I ever fit into these skinny jeans!? Everyone is wearing them, but I can't. I am too fat.

You know what historically came after that?

Guilt ----> Sadness ----> Unworthiness ----> Disgust ----> Low(no) self-esteem ----> Eating Disorder

Those, like me, who just so happen to have legs bigger than their arms will try to fit into this "skinny jean" style and end up feeling disappointed, feeling like there is something wrong with them, feeling inadequate and guilty.

Then they will diet, feel bad about themselves, think they are fat, etc, etc... you know what comes then? Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, wickedly low self-esteem... all thanks to society and its ridiculously absurd, media blasted, seriously unrealistic "skinny jean" standards!

Sure - some girls are naturally this thin. *SOME* - a few girls are naturally this size. 

And, to touch base on the other side of the equation, there are definitely girls out there that are depressed and feel unworthy just the same because they CAN'T gain weight... But, COME ON MEDIA... if I can easily recognize both sides, can't you!?!

These advertisements are for the general public; they are not just for *some* girls who are that size. Last time I checked, the average, general American girl has legs quite a bit larger than her forearm. 

Media, fashion, advertisement companies, magazines, modeling companies, etc... can you PLEASE acknowledge the general pubic in which you are trying to sell to. There is way more than one size - can you PLEASE lay off the "skinny jean" side.

Newsflash: America is full of Americans, not mannequins most likely mass-produced in China! And, OUR LEGS ARE BIGGER THAN OUR ARMS!!

SORRY, I am NOT sorry my legs are bigger than my arms!!

**Sign a petition HERE in regards to JC Penney's and other stores using more realistic mannequins!**

When I needed her, showering was the perfect excuse...

Showering was the perfect excuse...

I usually ate before I showered. If I ate before I showered, I'd be able to sneak away and use the noise of the shower to her benefit. The bathroom fan was perfect as an extra buffer to her quick, but grotesque release.

I particularly remember coming home late to my BBW (previously mentioned-long time HS/college sweetheart). I'd usually have to-go food for he and I, just the way he liked it. I didn't like it. I knew before I placed the order what was likely to happen...

I'd get home. Sometimes I helped prepare his plate. He'd be anxious and ready to eat; he had already smoked undoubtedly. Then it was my turn. I'd smoke marijuana as a quick and hot inhaled escape. I always wanted to escape. I wanted to escape from my feelings. I wanted to escape from the ones I already had and from the feelings I knew were coming. I'd smoke so I wouldn't feel so guilty about eating the food I'd brought home. Likely, I had eaten something around the Outback Steakhouse during my serving shift. I probably wasn't even really, literally hungry. I certainly wasn't thinking "Eat to Live!" Nah, the alternative.

I'd initially plan on eating half, eating less Outback bread, no dessert if I brought it home... Those plans sometimes (most times) go right out the window along with the smoke bled from the blunt. I would eat too much. I would, in the least, feel like I ate too much. Regardless, between the munchies and my ruthless mind, thoughts of eating most likely continued...

This is where purging came in to play... If I "got rid" of some, I'd have room for more. Or, if I got rid of some and refrained from giving into the compulsions of continuously consuming led by such a ruthless mind, I would win. I wouldn't be in trouble. I wouldn't be bad. i wouldn't be fat, guilty, disgusting, ugly... I would have escaped it. I already mentioned, I always wanted to escape. So...

I wouldn't always purge, but when I did, showering was the perfect excuse. I'd wait to shower until after I ate. As mentioned, I could get away with a lot with that background noise; she got away with a lot.

I can't quite describe it; those of you don't know Mia may never believe it anyway. But, I will try. Its like this panic. This panic that you know you have the answer in calming. This panic was led by a voice, figuratively speaking. This voice set a panic inside of me - in mind, in body. She, her, Mia... she would encourage me and tell me just do it. She would tell me it will fix everything. She wouldn't let up and she would definitely not let me get up if I made it to my knees, not without doing it.

Sometimes I'd make it out alive. Sometimes I would die a little more inside. Either way, I was guilty, and I felt that way. I either ate too much. Or I ate too much and threw it up. It was always lose, lose.

She surely served her purpose. That is certainly why I kept her around for so long. Wait... did I keep her? Or did she keep me?

Lets be honest. If you won't, I will. I kept her around. I never sent her an initial invite. I definitely didn't throw her a welcoming party. But, once I got to know her, I needed her. I wanted her.

You see, I lived a life of living to eat. But, it wasn't because I wanted to live that way. A part of me wants to say I don't know how it got to be that way, but a part of me knows I could write 10, 20 blogs that give pretty decent reasons and lead ups to eventually inviting her in. I didn't have control; I couldn't grab onto control with food. I wanted to so badly, but I couldn't do it. She helped me control. I finally found a way to control food. She was ugly and she was destructive and she was mean. But, I loved her. Like the best friend you always want to be around, I didn't know how to live without her after a while.

So, surely, she served her purpose. And that is certainly why I kept her around for so long... for 8 years so long.

Besides, who was I without she. At some point, I had forgotten. My life before her was a blur and life without her was something I could no longer imagine. Like life without a lover, friend, family member... I couldn't imagine life without her.

So, when I wanted her around, when I needed her around, showering (and maybe a little bit of pot) was the perfect excuse.

She's Gone...

I'm watching the fights
(although I don't like the fights).
I've had a couple of drinks.
I've prepared some homemade guacamole;
And, fresh salsa with mango & cilantro.
I made sautéed chicken and rigatoni;
spicy arrabbiata marinara sauce.
I put out the dips,
with some tortilla chips;
And, I got honey roasted peanuts
for the guys.
The moral of the story is:
She's not here.

She?

Who is she?

Do It Anyway ~ Mother Teresa

I just love this more than words can say: