Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Once a bad day, always a bad day...

Every morning when I wake up, I intend to have a "good" day. I wake up thinking about 2 things: coffee & oatmeal.
Oatmeal is my everyday breakfast. Its healthy, its smooth and creamy, it satisfies me and it comforts me. Its necessary and it makes me feel like I am being "good" from the first minute of the day...which is also necessary.

After my "good" breakfast, I usually have plenty of cravings and chances to not be "good". Its a conscience decision I have to make and dedicate myself to daily. I can decide in the morning to have a good day. But, if I do mess up (or what I think is messing up), suddenly, I am overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed with a feeling of personal disappointment and guilt. Usually, there is no recovering. Failure. I already failed, therefore I am now a failure. Game over.

My inner eating disordered devil yells at me and says, "Hey, you already messed up...might as well just give up and keep messing up because you are a screw up". To her this suddenly declares the day a cheat day. And when she cheats, she really really cheats. The 'screw up' in her just goes ahead and runs cheat-wild.

The next day has extreme potential to be another bad day. Unless she is really careful from the time she opens her eyes, failure will continue into this day... Eating really well from the start and a really good trip to the gym is a MUST to stop the "bad" cycle and to force her inner eating disordered devil to SHUT UP!

...Because, EVERY DAY IS A NEW DAY!...

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