Friday, January 27, 2012

She looked around & realized... Life IS Amazing

I love this visual message. I love so much about it, I will have to break it down in sections in order to capture all that I love. So, let's do it. 

-First box = Imagine
-Second box = Believe
-Third box = Curiosity
-Fourth box = Life is Amazing!

First Box = She decided to start living the life she imagined.


I talk about she in past tense now. Notice?
In the midst of disordered eating, she imagined a lot of things. These lots of things revolved around one common variable: food. She imagined what life would be like if she could just Eat to Live. This imagined idea was merely that: imagined. It was not present day. It was not consistent. It was non-existent, for the most part. Eating to Live existed only in her imagination. 

Within this imagination of Eating to Live existed many other things. They included self-describing adjectives, or, a lack there of, the following adjectives: confidence, pride, happiness, internal locus of control, control in general, acceptance, faith...

She imagined. She, by choice, started living.

Second box = SHE believed she could so SHE did.


This one is important.

Notice SHE is not in italics here. That is because in order to believe, I had to let go of her, and be ME. She didn't believe in anything; she didn't believe in anything healthy, hopeful or gracious... She didn't believe in anything good, righteous or worthy. She didn't believe she was worthy. Well, guess what... I am worthy. In fact, my worth is societally immeasurable and unfading. Guess what else, so is YOURS.
[1 Peter 3:3-4]

Third box = and she replaced her fear of the unknown with curiosity. 


Similarly in describing the second box according to her and I, you must note the italics in that statement. SHE replaced her fear... she was always the one walking in fear... in fear of judgement, in fear that worth would never be her's... Well, I had to take over control. I had to replace her and her fear with MY curiosity...

Fourth box = She looked around and life was pretty Amazing!

Life is Amazing!

She didn't think anything was amazing... well, nothing real or tangible or that mattered. Attention. That was what she craved. Once I realized that this attention seeking her was ruining me, my move from Living to Eat into Eating to Live began. 

See, attention in the life of my italicized self is irrelevant in MY life. She and I have always been two different people. No. I do not have dissociative identity disorder. Yes. I believe her identity must be separated from my own. The two of us are different; we are so different, in fact, that I can't even claim her. I have to separate her from me.

I decided to believe in ME. I decided to let go of her in order to pursue my curiosity. what could life really be like if I lived as one person and not as two? 

I chose me. I still choose. I decide, everyday, to choose me. If I pay her no mind, I can look around and say, "WOW! Life is Amazing!"

She could never say that statement regarding generalized amazingness! Thank God I can.

Life in Eating to Live and without her is AMAZING!


...don't ever give up...

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