Rumination...

She ruminates... I ruminate... This morning, she and I woke up ruminating...

I got off work from the lovely (insert sarcasm) restaurant biz at about 10pm last night. I had eaten a big salad at work before I left. I got home to my Mom's homemade lentil soup. By homemade, I mean full out whole-ham-bone-slow-cooked-style lentil soup. Yum-E! I had to have some. And, of course, I had to have the layered buttery biscuit she left for me to go with it...well, actually, there were 2. I only meant to eat one but, she couldn't stop thinking about the other one...

Then, I saw Oreo's sitting on the counter (oh, how I LOVE me some oreo's!) So, I had to have one. She wanted more. So, she went back and forth, from couch to kitchen and ate two more, one half, one bite at a time.

Still, she couldn't stop thinking about those other layers of biscuit sitting on the counter, calling to her, pointing laser beams toward her mind. So, layer by layer, she went back and forth, from couch to kitchen, again, and ate the other biscuit, too.

Meanwhile, I drank wine. I had 2 glasses of white wine during this whole compulsive episode. Inhibition-wise, I'm certain it made it easier for her to give in...she couldn't deny the devil on her right...the devil paired up with that wine. They were on a team last night...

Granted, this is far from a binge comparatively speaking. Her binges have been far more destructive in the past. Her binges used to lead to purging to fit more binging. None of that happened. She stood her ground; she didn't go there. I have to say, as I write this entry, I am proud of her. She pulled it together, brushed her teeth and got out just in time!
(...brushing her teeth, combating a trigger...I'll get back to that in a near-future entry)

Rumination...I woke up this morning ruminating. I got my 8:05am pre-gym wake up call by my darling love...what a beautiful way to wake up in the morning. I am so lucky to have my long-distance wake-up call (by the way, my love, my boyfriend, my Galo, is so far, yet ever so close to me all the way from West Palm Beach, FL to Spring Hill, FL...for the time being). As soon as I opened my eyes, I reflected on those compulsively consumed calories. I went in the bathroom, looked in the mirror in rumination mode, and wondered for a minute...how much flatter might my stomach have been this morning sans additional biscuit layers and bite after little bite of oreo cookie? Thankfully, I didn't have much time for all that. Coffee. Oatmeal. Gym time!

After I finished the ab class & spin class led by the wonderful Ms. D, I choose reflection rather than rumination. Yes. I did eat more than I NEEDED to. I was eating to live...and then I just ate to eat yummy goodness. And, it was yummy! My moms lentils, those TWO biscuits AND the THREE oreos...all so delicious. I am going to make a choice. I am going to CHOOSE to leave it just like that...

Life is but a choice...a journey of choice after choice. The world cannot choose my feelings or my thoughts, my reflections or my ruminations. The external world may be able to choose circumstance or to come up with the recipe for delicious biscuits and oreo cookies, but only I can choose what I do with those...what I feel internally in this external world. I choose to reflect and say, thanks Mom, your lentils & biscuits & oreos were divine! Thanks for the divinity :)


[Mind you, this all went on last night, May 1, 2011, as the world heard our President Obama address the nation in regards to the death of public enemy #1 10 years after master-minding the largest terrorist attack on our nation, under God...need I tell you his name?]